we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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