i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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