Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
