evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
