At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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