I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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