Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
