I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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