12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize