Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
