i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
