Already got asked if we're dating
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she pinky promised me she was 18
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize