youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
