we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
