dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize