Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
