I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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