Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
