Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
