she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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