are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
