remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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