Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
