I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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