I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
