It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize