I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
