Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
