i already hear my dad disowning me
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
