god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
