When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
