i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
