Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
