Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
