yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
