Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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