Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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