i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
bring money and cleavage
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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