Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
