I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
soo... how was my night?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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