ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
