I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You smell like stripper and shame
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
