I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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