when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
