So drunk its hurt
Duck Duck Cougar?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
