Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
