But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
