capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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