Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
