My girlfriend figured out who you are.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
