awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
