Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
