Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
