Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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