Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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