don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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