At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
