i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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