I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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