What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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