dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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