yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
