Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize