Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
