hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
