he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
