my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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