I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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